I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
