I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
