"it" just moved
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
