I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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