I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
