4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
