she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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