my phone needs a breathalizer
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
