What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the condom got lost in my hair
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
