I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize