At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
