I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
