Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love accidental penises.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
