The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
