everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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