Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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