you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
