I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I enjoy the company of your penis
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