just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
