someone owes me an orgasm
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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