why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
