i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
