I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
