wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
