College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
