is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
