she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
