i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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