Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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