You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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