Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
