Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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