I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
