just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
