He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
