I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
