I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
