He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't make out with my wife yet
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
