The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
