I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
