He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
