So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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