hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
