definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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