I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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