I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
