I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
