its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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