The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
