How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
