I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
