eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Come on in and take your pants off
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