He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
