I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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