wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
