U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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