First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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