What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
