It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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