i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
