let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
