He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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