So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
