my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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