He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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