Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
