We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
