We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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