do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
