Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize