my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
