My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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