Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
