Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
