the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
