He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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