I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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