omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
