hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
